The Corruption of Marty
by tibys
Summary: My name was Martina Sinclair, but my friends called me Marty. I wasn't always cold, in fact I used to have good friends. I think that if it wasn't for the Blacks I might've been normal my whole life. Marauders era. series of oneshots, focused on OC mainly
1. Chapter 1: Coldness

Coldness, numb. I was numb to the world.

People I once called friends would look upon me now and wonder what had happened. They'd say she wasn't like that once, once she was wonderful, nice, without an evil thought but now... they would trail off without knowing what else to say, looking at each other, each lost in their own thoughts, each asking themselves, could I have prevented this?

Chas. I craved chaos. I needed it as much as I need air to breathe and food to live. I needed it to fill the core of my being, to bring alive flickering feelings, fleeting and insignificant. But something to show I was alive. Adrenaline would pulse through my veins, making me feel alive in the thrill of the chase. My victims running from me, sensing the power I possessed, sensing the danger. I was never one to play with my food, my parents had made sure of that. Alas the corruption that comes from new friends, the bad influences, and there wasn't an influence worst than Bellatrix Lestrange… well aside from the dark lord himself that is.

"_crucio_" I didn't even recognize my voice, so cold and inhuman it had become. I wanted the muggle to scream, I wanted them in pain, I needed them to be under my control, I needed the rush. I hungered for it.

The heat of the burning cottages licked my flesh, the sounds around me dulled and the attack became insignificant, background noise as chills ran up my spine. The hair on my neck stood and for a moment I was met with the rapture of a noise so pure, so intense, so otherworldly. The one true noise of the universe. How magnificent, how the sound of totality could be created by straining muscles, contracting and vibrating in pain. It was in these moments that coldness within was erased, dissipated with a single sound, a scream.

And as soon as it had come it was gone. My reverie was broken, and the emptiness was back. I scowled at the muggle who so pitifully passed out, disgusted at his obviously low pain tolerance, and ended his life.

The battles life roared around me like a wild fire, once again I was a part of it, once again I was felt the beginning of adrenaline streaking through my veins. Maniacal peals of laughter was coming from somewhere nearby and I turned to find the source, knowing only one person who it could belong to.

Myself and Bellatrix weren't friends in the normal sense of the word. In fact we rarely talked and only saw each other about our mutual interest in pain. I think she saw me as a sort of student, as someone who she could share her sadistic side with, it elevated her up to a higher status, boosted her ego. And who was I to bring someone down?

We were collaborators, we shared ideas and methods. We shared a mutual respect for each other, that manifested itself through a helping hand here and there.

She had let her guard down for a second too long as she reveled in the joys of upheaval and I saw someone raise their wand to hex her. This is where our strange relationship came into play. A silver jet flew out of my wand hitting the person in the chest as they fell to their knees in pain. The cries were male, and he wore robes that were blue, so he obviously wasn't an auror. Which meant that there was a wizard who lived in a muggle village and dressed in robes (not likely), or the order was here. Bella must have heard his whimpering because she turned on the spot, eyes wild, a look of delight crossing her face.

"my, my Marty, what a catch you have there" Her muggle moaned as it tried to crawl away, a flash of green was the last thing it had seen before death.

She tilted her way this way and that as she danced towards the Order member, I broke the curse to let her get a closer look. What had I caught?

Dirtied finger nails grabbed the man's face as her boot crushed his hand, desperately reaching for his wand, he was defenseless. His eyes darted around, and I could see the whites of them, he was cornered and he knew it.

Finally hazel eyes rested on me. "Martina! Help me" he pleaded as Bella's cackles raised in the air. "Help me Marty help me!" she mimicked him before throwing him to the ground.

My cousin, we had caught my cousin. This revelation should of caused some reaction for me, I wish it did, if only to feel something other than the chill. I looked at him, my head tilted, he had changed since I had last seen him. Gotten a little taller, filled out a bit more since he graduated, and it looked as if he attempted to do his hair that day. The gold wedding band on his left hand glinted in the firelight, yes James Potter had changed in little ways.

"Don't let your guard down Bella" The words hissed out of my mouth "His friends should be near by, they always fought together, you remember" I grabbed his wand off the ground, my eyes scanning our surroundings. we were a little out of the way, unnoticeable unless one was looking enough. the main battle raged on in the main streets of the village. Satisfied, I turned to face him, hazel eyes meeting for the first time in years.

"Bella, do keep watch, and if you're going to draw attention to yourself, can you please do it somewhere else? I want privacy" My voice was soft, I was thinking. She nodded gleefully "What are you going to do" Her eyes were wide, she was like a little kid being offered candy.

"Hello there James" I watched as he struggled to get to his feet, "Now now cousin, I much like you in that position,_ stay" _His legs ceased moving and he collapsed to the ground again.

Pitiful, really, his display was, his Gryffindor bravery was flaring.

"What are you going to do Marty? Attack an unarmed man?"

I paused in thought for a moment, "Yes, I think that is exactly what i'm going to do, _Crucio_" I wanted his pain, I wanted to see if I felt anything in watching him.

No, nothing.

He twitched in pain but no sound emitted from his mouth. Shame really, I lifted the spell and continued my pacing, listening to his sputtering.

"What happened to you Marty?" he cough out, I shrugged. I stopped caring. His head jerked to the side with the momentum with the force of my well aimed kick to his jaw, this thankfully elicited a moan.

"Hear you got married James, good for you, shame I didn't get an invite though… guess family isn't that important to you after all is it?" He stared defiantly at me "You stopped being family when you took the mark" he spat. Again I shrugged, I was getting bored, he was too stubborn to give me what i needed.

"Indeed" I drawled, I was growing restless "Well, this has been a nice family reunion, Bellatrix you can have him if you-"

Red lights flew at us from the the main street, I sent a spell at Bella knocking her out of the way of it (thats twice in one night i've saved her) and dodged. One of the lights hit james square in the chest, stunning him.

"its over, lets go" Bella hissed as she grabbed a fistful of my robes pulling me away from the scene, I jerked out of her grasp milliseconds before she disapparated

"_Morsmorde_!" I screamed, my wand pointed to the sky, and turned on the spot, staring at the shocked faces of my cousins school day friends.

At least the night wasn't a total loss, I did have that muggle I suppose.

OOooOOoo

My name was Martina Sinclair, but my friends called me Marty. I wasn't always cold, in fact I used to have good friends. In fact I think that if it wasn't for the Black family I might've been normal my whole life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I_ dont own anything harry potter related, just my characters and plot, this applies for the whole story..._

_For the record, this story is told mainly from Martys point of view, and it (I hope that is) shows how her mentality and maturity grows across the years at Hogwarts... so I apologize if some of the dialogue makes you cringe a bit on the inside, most of the first half of this story does for me, but enjoy!_

Chapter 2

"Martina Antigua Rosalinda Sinclair if you do not get up right now I will drag you out of bed and to the train station by your hair!"

What a terrifying threat to wake up to. Rubbing sleep out of my eyes I yelled something unintelligible to my mother before rolling of my bed. I hated early mornings, they were ungodly in my mind, and I could never understand how people would willingly and eagerly leave bright and early. Blasphemy.

These thoughts played their way through my head as I wandered into my bathroom to start my morning routine, and it was half way through brushing my teeth (59 strokes left and right to be exact) when I remembered what day it was and why I had to be up so early. Today was September 1st, and it was the day I started school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. With a little more vigor I finished my morning routine, carefully picking out my clothes and doing my hair. I had to look good after all, make a good impression.

Mum looked as if she was going to cry all through breakfast and dad kept pestering me with questions, trying to make sure if I had everything. It remained much like this throughout the car ride to the nearby train station and throughout the train ride to London.

"And you have your jacket right?" I rolled my eyes

"Yes dad I have it, and why couldn't we just apparate here? I could've slept it, or we could've gotten a port key" I complained for the hundredth time, my parents just gave each other a look.

"And you have spare money, for the trolley?"

"Yes dad you gave me money!" The closer we got to the platform the more desperate my father sounded and the quieter my mother got.

"And you have all your books"

"Dad, you already asked that!" I finally snapped, he was really started to annoy me. He looked taken aback from the curt reply and he didn't ask anymore questions, just put his arm around my shoulder and kept walking.

I hadn't be overly nervous most of the ride, I think I was too tired to be nervous. It would've been far easier if my parents acted like wizards and used magical transport rather than muggle. But then I suppose they wouldn't of had time to ask me all of those last minute questions.

My parents were a strange couple in general, my father was a wizard from the pureblooded line of the Sinclairs, though he himself wasn't a pureblood. My grandfather was disowned from the family because my grandmother had been a muggle. We didn't mind much, the Sinclairs weren't very nice people from what I knew, but because of my grandmother, my father knew a lot of the muggle world and even worked a muggle job, finding it easier with a little bit of well hidden magic. My mother was a pureblood from quite a wealthy family, the Potters, and she did a freelance work in magical theory for different universities and the ministry. My cousin James started Hogwarts last year and he was the only other person I knew at the school.

But I digress, I wasn't really nervous for most the way here, but now that I saw other people pushing trolleys similar to the one my parents were, butterflies were flying around my stomach. I had never been away from my parents for longer than the weekend I spent at Uncle Henry's house at Godrics Hollow. But this was months away, until Christmas time! I wondered what house I will be in, my father was a Ravenclaw and my mother was a Gryffindor. I didn't know what house I wanted to get into, my grandfather spoke very highly of Slytherin, the house he had been in, but James had told me only evil people got into Slytherin. I don't want to be evil, so I guess I don't want to be in that house. Im not sure i'm smart enough for Ravenclaw, I mean I find magic very interesting, and I often asked my mother about what she did, but I don't know if i'm studious or not. I like learning though, maybe that'll be enough. Then there is Gryffindor, James said its the best house. People with courage and bravery get sorted there. I don't know how brave I am, or courageous really. And then there was Hufflepuff, was I really that hardworking?

We crossed through the barrier (what a strange feeling, walking through a wall) and were finally on the platform. My mother rushed over to my Uncle Henry who was standing nearby and nearly choked him with her hug. James was nowhere to be seen. He was probably with his friends somewhere so I stood a little away from my parents looking around the station. I was definitely nervous now, I wonder how many of people on this platform were my future friends, future enemies? The platform was reasonably filled, the train was due to leave in a half an hour and people were pouring in from the hidden entrance and loading up their things. I saw a two boys arrive via portkey with a regal looking woman holding onto the younger boys shoulders. The older of the two boys started off without looking at the younger towards the train, he looked maybe James age, the younger must've been a first year. The woman scowled at her son before whispering something angrily to the boy. Without any obvious good by she left. Uncertainty flashed across his face as he took in the platform and his surroundings, he looked around at the people on the platform, much as I was doing before I saw him, and he looked at me.

He looked regal, high cheekbones and silky black hair fell into his face, he raised his eyebrow at me and I looked away quickly realizing I was staring.

It took forever for my parents to say goodbye, they kept telling me things to remember and telling me to write them every day. "and if you forgot anything ill send it" my father said "stay out of trouble, I wont hesitate to send a howler young lady. And keep an eye out for James, he will show you around, introduce you to people" my mother said. They went back and forth like that until the train whistle howled and they finally let me board "study hard Marty!" they yelled as I waved them the last goodbye.

OoooOOoo

This was my first trip to Hogwarts and all the compartments were full. I must've already gone down half the train, and was starting to get irritated, how many students did Hogwarts have? I knocked on another compartment door, before sliding it open. There were three people in this one, "Can I help you" a girl asked, she must've been at least a 7th year.

"I'm sorry, but I am looking for a place to sit, is this full?" the girl opened her mouth to answer but a boy beat her to it "Not at all, come on in" I looked at him and blushed. Of course it had to be the boy who caught me staring at him, but I smiled and sat down. I marveled at my ill luck as I put my bag on the overhead shelf before taking the available seat next to the boy. The girl across from us looked a bit miffed at me sitting there, I had a feeling she was going to say no.

The silence was awkward, and I tried to look anywhere but the people I was sharing with. What's wrong with me? Im never shy! Just ask their name, introduce yourself, something! I screamed at myself as the seconds ticked on, but the boy beat me to it. "so you're a first year then?" he asked.

Finally I sighed in relief

"yes, i'm Martina Sinclair, but most people just call me Marty" I cringed inwardly at my awkward laugh, the boy smiled and the girl scrunched up her face in thought. "So am I, i'm Regulus Black, most people call me Regulus" he smiled as he shook my hand. It was then I finally noticed the third person, another girl, blonde leaned over to me and smiled "I'm Narcissa Black, and this is my sister Bellatrix, we are Regulus's cousins" she motioned towards the girl who asked who spoke when I entered. "Sinclair you said your name was?" after seeing my affirmation she continued "Your related to Bartholomew Sinclair?" again I nodded "The one who married a muggle" she sneered. "Yes, my grandfather" I wasn't sure where she was going. She huffed and turned her nose up "who are your parents then" she was very blunt. "My father is Cecil Sinclair, and my mother is Evelyn Sinclair, formally Potter" I must've said something wrong because she narrowed her eyes at me, "Relation to James Potter?" I nodded, was that a bad thing? Does James have a bad reputation? "He is my cousin" she sniffed but didn't say anything else. I raised my chin a little bit higher, there was nothing wrong with my family. Another awkward silence elapsed.

"So what house do you want to be in?'" It was Regulus again who broke the silence.

"I'm not sure really, I think I may be a Ravenclaw like my father, I like to learn new things you know, but I'm not sure how studious I am. My grandfather reckons ill be in Slytherin because i'm really good at chess, and strategy games, and my Uncle Henry has a bet down on Gryffindor, but I don't know how brave I am, and then there is Hufflepuff-" Narcissa cut me off "Youre not a Hufflepuff" the rest of the compartment nodded, "youre not meek enough" she gave me a small smile, "with any luck youll be in Slytherin" I nodded, choosing not to mention what James said about Sytherin, after seeing the crest on their robes. "What house do you want to be in Regulus" I asked politely "Slytherin" he responded automatically, I envied his confidence.

Another silence, this time broken by Bellatrix's yawn "Cissy im bored, im going to go find Rudolphus, would you like to come?" Narcissa nodded "well it was nice meeting you Marty Sinclair, we will see you around" I nodded and smiled at them "Nice meeting you too"

another awkward silence occurred between me and regulus. "So are you excited about Hogwarts?' I asked . Excitement gleamed in his eyes as he nodded vigorously. The conversation followed for a long time about Hogwarts and what we expected. We both had read Hogwarts, a History, and discussed different things about the school that we looked forward to. Regulus was a nice person, if a tad bit snobby and posh, but not bad. He even bought me a chocolate frog when the trolley came along, I myself had bought a rather large pile cakes and candy as well. We talked and laughed and were only interrupted when James opened the door.

"There you are Marty, i've been looking for you everywhere!" he exclaimed, rolling his eyes as he plopped down next to my pile of candy and wrappers. A glare was shared between Regulus and James's friend who stood in the doorway, and it was then when James finally realized who I had been sharing with. "Black isnt it?" he sneered, I was surprised by his sudden change. I glanced between the three boys "Potter I presume" his voice was haughty as he raised his chin, a slight look of distaste tainting his features, before he glanced at the figure in the doorway again. There was hesitation on his face "Sirius" he nodded, "Regulus" the boy, Sirius, replied cooly.

Another silence. Were awkward silences normal at Hogwarts?

"Well then, I think Remus and Peter are beginning to wonder, we should head back, come on Marty, you can sit with us" It didn't appear as if I had much to say in the matter because he had already grabbed my bag and scooped the rest of the candy into it. I shot an apologetic look back to Regulus as James pulled me out of the compartment, "It was nice to meet you Regulus, see you at Hogwarts, maybe we will be in the same house" I called, he stood and spoke from the doorway "It was nice meeting you too Marty, I would like that" I turned and smiled. I was happy to have such an interesting person as a friend in my year.


	3. Chapter 3

The glint of gold was all that I needed to see it. I laid nearly flat on my broom as I sped towards the area of the pitch that I saw it. I could hear the cheers surround me, my house chanted "GO GO GRYFFINDOR!"

There it was, in front of me, figures that just as I was about to grasp it out of the air, that damn Regulus Black had to knock into me, throwing me enough out of line that my hand grasped only air. It went back and forth between us, our brooms knocking into each other, both reaching as far as possible to grab the snitch. It upturned sharply and I was able to gain an edge on Regulus, whose reflexes were just a little slower than mine, the consequence of such a move was the loss of my flower headband I have fastened to my hair, my fringe now flew wildly across my goggles.

Just a little bit closer, my finger tips were touching the snitch, so close, almost there

WHAM!

Regulus had caught up to me again and rammed me severely off course and over the crowd, I think I may have nicked someone in the head with my boot... oh well, it was the Slytherin stand after all. I lost the snitch and it appeared Regulus had as well because he was looking around frantically. There was no use, it was gone.

I was so close and that damn Black, why must he be such a pain in my arse?

I took my position atop the pitch and watched the game, my cousin had scored the team another ten points, the score was 80 to 140 Gryffindor. We were ahead but not enough for me to not catch the snitch. I spied Regulus a little below me, and I glared at him. Pig headed, arrogant cockroach that he was, I was so close to it, I felt the snitch in my hand, and he had to go and mess that up. I cant believe I even had a civil conversation with that prick on the train my first year. How could I not have seen the arrogant self he was!

My knuckles had whitened from the grasp I had on my broom, and I was sure I was burning a hole through Regulus's head.

As that thought passed through my head, the cockroach himself turned to look at me, a smug smile on his face. He knew he had ruined it for me, and bought Slytherin more time. Foul, snobby, good for nothing- wait was that? No, but... it was! I realized with a jolt as I sped towards him. His eyes widened as he froze, thinking I was going to run into him, if I hadn't been so concentrated I might've found his reaction amusing. Surely it would be the smarter idea to move when one is on a speeding broomstick aim straight at you, what does he do? Stare, doesn't even look around to figure out why I was speeding towards him! A fact I was glad of because moments before imminent impact I down turned and snatched the hovering snitch out from underneath him, quite literally.

The stands erupted in cheers as I smirked cheekily at Regulus, his face flushed red. "Next time you should try looking for the snitch, and not me" I blew him a kiss before descending to my celebrating team.

Another game won, another day lived with Regulus Black being humiliated by me.

After I showered and changed into school robes I met my cousin and his band of merry troublemakers outside, where Sirius handed me the flower headband I had lost. "That was cool, what you did to my brother." he said after I thanked him, "I try" was all I could respond. What else could I say, I really do try to humiliate Regulus Black at every turn I got.

Call us rivals but I hated Regulus Black with every ounce of my being. He was nothing but an arrogant, spineless, snake. I unfortunately have every class with him it seemed, I think he was stalking me when I signed up for my classes, he must have had in mind some grand plan that only ended in my pain and irritation when he copied my schedule. Him and his stupid friends think they are so high and mighty because they are purebloods and Slytherins. They think everybody outside their group are beneath them, and they get away with absolutely everything. He was always trying to show me up, as if that would show his superiority to me, he was no better than his family. I mean what sort of family would nearly disown someone because they got into a different house! Sirius had his 'Black' moments, where his upbringing became apparent, (I tortured him constantly for it, but ill admit it must be hard in Gryffindor with a Black mentality, no matter how skewed it became).

Myself and Regulus were complete opposites in every way, and I wasn't sure when it would hammer into his thick head that I was equal or better than him in every way. Just because I was a girl with not completely pureblood didn't mean I couldn't fly a broom or perform magic!

Arrogant sod.

There was a party in the common room, as was usual after a quidditch win. "Hey man, today, that performance man, was far out" A seventh year told me. I smiled and thanked him "Yeah it was cool" The girl who hung on his arm said with a kind smile, "Hey you're a fourth year yeah?" I nodded "Far out, hey a few of us were going outside you know" she leaned forward and smiled "for a trip, you cool?" Was she asking me what I thought she was? Of course I knew people who went on 'trips', I mean my best friend went on them all the time, always she invited me but I denied and just sat with her, talking and creating clothes and art. But well I am a little curious, but what if James found out, would he be angry? Did he go on trips? Where was he anyways? "Maybe next time" I smiled at them, she nodded "Cool, fer sure next time" she flashed the peace sign at me before leaving the common room with a group of people. The rest of the night I spent wondering what I would be doing if I had gone with the 7th years.

My cousin and his friends appeared a little while later with crates of butterbeer, and the party really got into full swing. "You look thirsty" Sirius approached me with two bottles of butterbeer, was I thirsty? "Yeah I guess I am" I replied while taking one of the drinks from him. We stood in silence next to each other for a while, before I saw James signal to Sirius, he nodded and hesitated. "Go on, I know you've got trouble to make." He shrugged, "what can I say? Duty calls, don't want to disappoint." He hesitated again, "hey, Marty, you're reasonably fun yeah?"

Reasonably fun? I thought I was higher than that in their books. "I suppose? How do I answer that? Surely that is a question best left for people whom I hang around rather than me?" he paused for a moment and I could almost hear it brain processing. James was getting impatient.

"you want to come and have your first irresponsible teenage experiences?" Twice in one night? Surely something was trying to tell me something. "I can dig, just give me a second to grab my coat, its cold" He nodded and smiled.

We walked through the halls of Hogwarts undetected, listening to James every command as we rounded corners. Soon we found ourselves on the astronomy tower, I saw the couple who invited me before sitting and staring at the stars, their pupils dilated, faces filled with bliss. James gave me a hard look "if you tell anyone about this, its your head." I nodded my understanding as he pulled a small bag out of his robes and handed it to Sirius who began to roll the fag. Grass as my friend called it, how exciting. "That the stuff I gave you" the two seventh years sat up and looked at us, "sweetest stuff around man, that stuff is quality" he smiled. The girl took a drag of the joint before nodding her approval, "its beautiful"

My stomach clenched as the drug made its way around the circle they created, it was only James, Sirius, the two seventh years, Peter Pettigrew, and me. Finally Sirius passed it to me, "its not hard, just inhale and hold it in" I did as he told and choked on the hot smoke. It took a few more time for me to get the hang of smoking.

The night was a strangely good one, we talked about politics, life, quidditch, and beauty. Many revelations were made and I felt as if my mind was opened to new concepts, new ideas. The night was beautiful for all of those who took part in it, (peter hadn't said a word, instead just leaned against the wall and smiled his creepy little smile, beady eyes closed), and it seemed as if it would have gone on forever if it wasn't for our stomachs giving loud and hungry growls. We danced and giggled through the empty halls down to the kitchens to feast for good fortune and quidditch victories. It was the best food has ever tasted, everything was magnificent, and I ate more than I ever have in my life I think! By the time we made it back into bed we were exhausted, stuffed, and happy. It had been a good night.

If only the next day had been as good. In potions class we were paired with someone from another house, and low and behold, I was paired with the snake king himself, Regulus Black. It was a competition in the class to see who could correctly guess and brew a potion from only a few clues. This project was to take up most of the next month, and majority of it was to be done outside of class time, as we had other potions to learn too.

Thoroughly disheartened I left the class in a huff, without even bothering to make plans to meet up later with Regulus. I would do the research myself, hell I would do the whole thing myself if it wasn't so large. Stupid Black, why did I have to be paired with him of all people? He probably planned it all, requested it of Slughorn, and knowing that walrus he would do anything for his precious Regulus. He probably did it just to torture me! Maybe he was planning on messing the whole thing up and then blaming it on me to bring down my grade! That sneaky dirtbag of him...

In my seething I wasn't really paying attention to where I was walking and walked straight into someone resulting in me dropping all my things in surprise. "I'm so sor-" I started before I noticed grey eyes and silky black hair "oh its you." He handed me my things "yes it me, you should really watch where you're walking, your are going to brain someone someday"

"well maybe you should pay more attention to your surroundings and avoid people who are obviously fuming." I retorted.

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief "you ran into me and then tell me to watch my surroundings? Are you crazy?"

I glared at him, and his logic. Why did he have to be smart and perceptive. "Look Black i'm not in the mood right now so if you will kindly move." Of course he didn't move. "Black move or I will make you move" I readjusted my bag on my shoulder.

"Not until you say sorry Regulus for not paying attention to where I was walking, because I was too busy with my own life that I could not possibly bother to watch where I was walking"

Arrogant prick

"Black this is your last warning"

He didn't move. Fine I warned him, I pulled my wand about to make him move out of my way "Miss Sinclair, you wouldn't be attacking Mr. Black here would you?" Damn, Professor McGonagall was quiet when she moved. Sneaky witch. "Of course not professor, I was just showing him my wand" I replied nicely. She did not look to pleased, "really? And the threat" I ground my teeth "If you are referring to making him move" she nodded "A warning professor, of the future you see, we are learning it in divination. She rolled her eyes "Detention tonight Miss Sinclair, my office 8 o'clock sharp, don't be late," She continued on her way oblivious to the glare I was trying to burn through her back.

I hate Regulus Black.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note:** _Short I know! I had a lot of problems writing this, and I honestly could not do more than this!_

I think Professor Slughorn was actually trying to kill me, or at least had some evil twisted form of torture saved only for me. I mean that man has hated since the day I stepped into his class! So what if I blew up a cauldron in his face, it was an accident.

The out of class assignment was possibly the cruelest assignment he had ever given, and it was made even worse by Regulus Black, my stupid partner. He was the reason why I was sitting in the library right now studying instead of going out to Hogsmeade with Marie and Samantha. We had planned to make 'art' today, but no, stupid Black decided that today was his only free day to work on this project.

I sighed and threw the book into the discard stack, our potion was nowhere in it. Slughorn had given us very common clues about our potion, and we often got excited over a potion only to find out it was missing one of the characteristics of our mystery brew. I glanced over at the library stacks wondering where Regulus was, he was taking forever it seemed. Irritated, I grabbed the last book left in the to check pile and discarded after seeing the contents, we had already looked at all of those potions.

I sighed again, rubbing my forehead. To be completely honest with myself, working with Regulus wasn't as bad as I imagined. He was actually quite smart, and he worked quite diligently, and he didn't talk much when we worked. I preferred a quiet Regulus more than anything else, thats for sure. We only really spoke if we found something that could be it, or if anything of interest jumped out. I even pointed out an interesting fact about the ministry regulations of certain ingredients.

What was that boy doing in those shelves? Perhaps I should go and do something productive rather than sit an gaze out at the clouds gathering just beyond the window. It was going to rain soon it seemed. I walked over to the bookshelf, dragging my feet only a little to find Regulus leaning against one of the shelves, his head bent over, flipping through a book. He really was quite elegant, I begrudged myself to acknowledge. Like his brother, he too had a flock of girls constantly trying to get his attention, and I could see why. He had hair that any girl could envy, it was black and sleek, had a shine that seemed only too natural, his features were delicate, sharp and finely tuned, and his eyes were like stormy skies, tumultuous and grey.

He looked up from his book and smirked at me. I had been caught staring at Regulus Black and I wasn't very happy about it, my traitorous neck heated up, making my embarrassment obvious. "Were you looking for something? Or were you just enjoying the view?" He asked, his eyebrows rose and hints of a smirk remained around his lips. "The only view you provide Regulus is the one of a self absorbed aristocrat." I stuck my nose in the air and grabbed a random book off the shelf to hide him. Why was I hiding from him anyways? I always enjoyed knocking a smug look off his face, why was this time different? Because he was right? I was enjoying the view... what?

I shook the blasphemous thoughts out of my head, appalled by my own thoughts.

"I think I found it" what the hell! When did he get to close? I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw him leaning against the shelf next to me, so close we were almost touching. I scowled at him. "Cant you see i'm reading here? Why must you go sneaking around scaring people like that?" why was he smiling damn it? Amusement flickered through his eyes "You do know the book you are holding is upside down right?" Oh, so it was "I'm testing my brain trying to see how well I can read upside down, keeping my mind sharp" Why was he so perceptive? He leaned a little closer, taking pleasure in the way is squirmed away from him. I glanced at the book he was holding in his hand, and after shelving mine I looked at the potion that was at the top of the page. "Your'e wrong, I already looked at that one" I dismissed him. Irritation flickered across his face "and I looked again and you are wrong, look it fits all of the characteristics, if one variation is added."

"we aren't looking for a variation of a potion Black, we are looking for a standard potion"

The argument escalated as the banter back and forth became less about the potion and more about pride. "Black will you admit, for once in your bloody life, that you aren't always right. I mean for merlins sake, you're the most arrogant, self absorbed-" he cut me off and I was stunned, what was happening?

How did this happen?

One second I was yelling at Regulus Black and the next he was kissing me?

I don't know what to do? How do I react, I mean for gods sake, I hate him!

How did I even get to this point, it was so illogical, so wrong!

But then why was I kissing him back?

I pushed him away, slightly breathless, "what are you doing?" I was more than a little flushed. His face was filled with many different emotions, swollen lips had edges that curled up into a smirk, his nose scrunched with mild frustration, and his eyes gleaming with hope and exasperation. "I don't know." He threw his hands in the air in the grasp of some throwaway emotion "I thought I was kissing you, and I thought you were kissing me back" My neck heated up, why had I done that?

"But we hate each other" A sharp laugh came out of his mouth as he took a small step back, "No YOU hate me, I have no negative feelings towards you for the most part, look just forget this ever happened" his voice was soft, he tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace. I blocked his path when I saw him make a move to leave "Oh no you don't Black, you need to explain this to me, I mean my mortal enemy shouldn't just start kissing me without a good excuse, so spit" He grasped his hair in frustration "You always say that, that we are enemies, rivals, that we hate each other! Why do you hate me so much?" His voice was sharp and cutting, and the famous Black glare was on his face. It was the kind of look that would make most feel insignificant and uncomfortable, but me? I was used to it. "I hate you because you are an arrogant sod!" Anger flashed across his face "What have I ever done for you to think that?" Everything, there were so many examples. "Well you try to ruin my life at every turn." Disbelief now painted his face, "What?" well I mean, he did have every class with me, was always around to cause problems, And you're arrogant." disbelief melted into confusion, causing my frustration with him to rise, "Look I don't need to explain myself to you, I mean we have years of experience with this..." I gestured in the space between us "Mutual distaste for each other." I had nothing else to say, I mean I didn't need to explain the complete obvious to Black, I mean it was redundant, a waste of breath.

"Oh no you don't Sinclair, get back here." It was his turn to block my path. "Do you want to know what I think?"

No, I honestly didn't.

"I think you like me, I think you even find my company nice, and I think you put up this whole facade of hatred because of your cousin and my brother. I think that you look up to him so much that you could not bear to disagree with him, and so you tell yourself, convince yourself of foolish things, and read into things to justify Potters view of me."

wow, I was speechless.

"Absurd" I snorted as I tried to find a way around him, he put both his arms out so they touched the shelves, effectively blocking my path completely. "Prove it."

Well that was easy I mean there were soo many examples, like the time he- when he-

Is this what happens when you smoke too much? Does your brain just stop working? Suddenly the expression drawing a blank made sense!

"I don't need to justify myself to you." It sounded lame even to me, and his smug look made me feel even worse, how I would've liked to smack that look right off his face. He leaned in, so close I could feel his warm breath tickling my face "Because you can not" He hesitated, glancing down at my lips, but before I do anything he kissed me again. This time soft, tentative, and to my continued shock I kissed him back. There was a funny feeling coming from my chest it seemed, from the general area of the lungs, my head felt light and I was slightly dizzy, as if I had inhaled some grass and held it for too long, and my whole body felt tingly all over. He was like a drug, he was like an irresponsible teenage experience, and I liked it.

By god, Regulus Black was kissing me and I liked it!

I moved my head so I could glance out the window and he pulled away "What are you doing?"

"Just checking if it was raining fire or pigs is all" I was serious "Its not, so a zombie invasion must be whats happening, a frozen over hell forces souls up to reclaim their bodies."

I would of laughed at the face he made if I wasn't so delirious but that wasn't the case unfortunately, an opportunity missed.

"you are strange" I smirked and kissed him again.

I really hoped that my actions didn't cause the apocalypse. I would feel really guilty.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Note:** _Apologize for any typos, i'm rubbish at proof reading ._

Chapter 5

Me and Regulus, after months of midnight rendezvous, stolen kisses and moments, finally made it official and public two weeks ago, that we were dating.

I have never felt this sick, I mean I was sure of my feelings for Regulus, we had a long conversation and worked through my illogical hatred that I felt for him, even laughed at the extent I read into things! I had relationships before, and my family had accepted them with little or no response at all, but with Regulus, everything was different. My parents were worried and anxious, Uncle Henry almost sent me a howler, instead opting for a more discreet letter, ranting about the Blacks. My cousin stopped acknowledging my existence, my friends have ceased all relations. I was a stranger in my own house, and because of that I was anxious. My appetite had all but disappeared, and I felt constantly on edge. Was I doing the wrong thing by dating him? I mean everyone seemed to tell me I was, and their actions proved their dislike. Never before had I been friendless, always I had a group of people to talk with, but now even the girls I shared a room with acted different with me. It seemed as if Regulus was the only person who understood our relationship. All of these feelings disappeared when I was around him, and when I wasn't concentrating on school work I was concentrating on him, trying to memorize everything about him, every feature, every expression, every feel. Around him the world seemed new and adventurous, it was a new beginning for me, and suddenly i've realized so many things i've blatantly ignored in my life. Old things came alive, and new things suddenly opened themselves up to me, it was rather been exciting. These two weeks were amazing only in the way I could call Regulus boyfriend, and be called his girlfriend.

I swirled my peas around, arranging them in different designs. I found being away from Regulus and stranded with only my house mates nearly unbearable. James reaction stung more than I would have liked to admit, even Sirius's reaction was preferable, at least he acknowledged me! I glanced in their direction, James was seated strategically so his back was turned to me and Sirius gave me a look that would've stopped death in his tracks. I pushed my potatoes around my plate, even my best friends stopped talking to me, was it that bad to start dating a Slytherin? So much for Gryffindor being a house of daring and loyalty, my friends treated me as if I had some sort of plague. It was nothing I couldn't handle for the most part, I spent most my time studying or with Regulus anyways, but it was times like this, at meals and in the common room where it hit me the hardest. Nobody from my house would speak to me, instead they only spoke about me, as if I had grown another head.

Somebody sat next to me and I stiffened expecting some insult to come out of the persons mouth, instead a voice I knew all to well spoke to me. "Why not come sit with me and my friends, watching you here is getting sad, and at this rate I will have to start force feeding you." Its true, instead of eating I had just been playing with my food. I looked at him as if he was crazy, but his calm deposition cheered me up just a little bit.

I looked around, most of the hall was looking at us, and the whole of the Gryffindor table glared at Regulus, an obvious outsider. Even the professors were watching! The weight of their gazes sat on my shoulders like boulders, my anxiety returned. "Reg, what are you doing here?" I lowered my voice, glancing around. James finally glanced in my direction, his face red with anger. Regulus gave him a cool look as he spoke "I am looking out for you, I think you will be more welcomed at my table with me" James and Sirius were whispering to each other now, the hall seemed quiet, unnaturally so, everyone watching. "Am I allowed to do that?" He shrugged, "I do not see why not, I have seen it happen."

Yeah of course i'd seen it happen too, but a Gryffindor with a Slytherin? That was unheard of! Ludicrous! Out of the corner of my eye I saw James get up on the other side of the table, his action made the decision for me. Grabbing his hand, I pulled Regulus up out of his seat and led to way to the Slytherin table, and the group of friends I knew was his. My face heated up and anxiety went to work in my stomach. The whole hall erupted in whispers and several of the teachers looked surprised, most of the Slytherin table was in disbelief it seemed. Regulus squeezed my hand as we sat down, his face bright and smiling, my neck was red and my hands felt clammy. James still stood, standing and frozen, his face no longer red but pale, disbelief plastered over it. If I hadn't been so nervous, i'm sure I would've found it amusing, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was vomit.

The table glared down at me, suspicious and angry. I was the outsider now, but unlike the glares I received from my fellow housemate, these ones seemed more dangerous, more threatening. Regulus places his arm around my waist and straightened his posture, leaning over casually to whisper in my ear "I am really happy you came, you do not need to worry about anyone, they are just sizing you up" I could feel his smile as he sniffed my hair "Relax and show them what you are made of" I nodded as his lips brushed the skin on my neck softly before straightening my posture as well. I was going to show the Slytherins that I had as much right to be there as they did.

"So, this is an interesting situation isn't it?" I smirked at Regulus's friends who squirmed under my sharp gaze. I could do this, I knew I could. Regulus introduced me to all of his friends who just nodded or grunted in response.

"Now gentlemen, what were we talking about before my girlfriends lovely presence?" I loved it when we called me his girlfriend, for some silly reason.

"Magic Regulus" one, Mulberry, answered. "Alternative magic, if you know what I mean" Avery I believe his name was finished.

I knew what they were talking about in an instant, "The dark arts you mean, stuff that isn't taught at school" I leaned forwards conspiratorially. They all glanced at each other nervously.

"I did not know you had an interest" Regulus replied, his eyes inquiring, I shrugged, a tinge of blush gracing its unwelcome presence on my face. I didn't know I had an interest in them until now either, but suddenly the forbidden allure of it was tempting, for academic reasons of course.

"I will admit, I am.. intrigued" I tried to sound nonchalant about it, feelings and desires revealing themselves in my mind. This seemed only to happen around Regulus, I started to think things, realize things that I never would of imagined. I stopped lying to myself, stopped denying myself thoughts.

"I suppose its because we are always told it is bad and evil, but what is evil? A judgment made by the ministry, by the public of things that are simply misunderstood and feared. Because they are powerful and unknown, and perhaps we shouldn't fear them but try to understand them, to move beyond simple judgements, and stop limiting ourselves." where did that come from? The more I spoke the more surprised I became with what came out of my mouth, I never thought that before? Where was this coming from, the words just leapt out of my mouth on their own accord, I didn't recognize any of it. Regulus too seemed a little surprised, "Could not of said it any better."

There was a look in his eyes as he glanced at me, adoration? I could feel the appraising eyes of his friends and those Slytherins near enough to hear my speech, I swelled with pride as I saw approval shine in the surrounding students eyes, perhaps I did fit in more here. After that night I no longer suffered from the glare of Slytherin, in fact the house table, for the most part, welcomed my presence by no longer acknowledging it, I was one of them, for now.

I felt like a different person when I was with Regulus and his friends, I was more confident, more outspoken. I had opinions I never thought I would have had, and thoughts that were new and exciting. New doors were open for me and there was so much in life I had to experience. My teenage use of drugs were for the most part over with, a new obsession had over taken mine and Regulus's life. Magic, learning everything about it, mastering it and everything it could offer us. We studied the dark arts together, filling our minds with theory and methods. Never before had my interest in ancient runes been as useful as it was these days, I was able to translate older manuscripts, with a few cleverly asked questions to our professor here and there. I never performed the dark spells I learned, instead I watched them performed with a morbid fascination, for now my interest was purely academic. I never had as many in depth conversations with my mother as well, a scholar on magical theory, our conversations brought new levels to our studies and understanding.

Over time, with a lot of help from Regulus, my cousins cold shoulder became easier to bear, I was almost at the point of not caring. Instead, I did things to anger him, to push him to his limits. Whenever he hung around outside, within eyeshot of me and Regulus, I would make a concerted effort to cuddle with him or even kiss him. Regulus thought it mildly immature of me, but went along with it anyways, never turning down an opportunity to be closer. Besides I think he liked how it irritated his brother so.

Sirius's reaction was the most confusing out of the lot. I think it was almost a competition between who disliked me more, Sirius or James. James I could understand, but I often wondered why Sirius was so irrationally angry at me, he even went out of the way to cause me trouble in life. Whether it was from a simple tripping jinx, to making my ink jar explode all over my new robes, it seemed I was frequently the target of his pranks. Me, but most the time, not Regulus. Normally he only got it if it was convenient for Sirius to get us both, what had I ever done to him I wondered?

As the alienation continued from my house I became closer and closer to the Slytherins, to the point where i'm sure some of the school were convinced I was a part of that house. Professor Mcgonagall shot displeased glances my way every now and then, convinced my relationship with Regulus was having a negative effect on my grades.

It was true, my grades, once the top, were slipping slowly. I was so busy with my extra curricular studies of the dark arts and magical theory that I sometimes found it far to tedious and boring to write an essay on transfiguration, a relatively boring subject at the level we were at. I was so far beyond the simple concepts taught in all my magic classes, such as charms and transfiguration, and defense that those were the classes that were being hit the hardest by my new studies. I knew how most of the stuff worked in those classes, I was no longer learning, and doing the homework on this I understood was a waste of time that was better spent learning a new dark spell, and debating why it was labeled the dark arts. That was my favourite past time, trying to figure out what aspect of a spell made it classed as dark. However other classes that didn't necessarily include magic, such as herbology, ancient runes, potions, and astronomy received my normal attention. My parents were not impressed by the grades I was earning in my magic classes, and they were less impressed when Professor Mcgonagall wrote to them explaining her 'concern' in my grades, nosy cow.

One day after a particularly pain transfiguration class Professor Mcgonagall asked me to stay behind, Regulus stood awkwardly for a moment, his fingertips brushing my waist and I told him to wait outside, convinced whatever it was wasn't going to take long. You can understand my surprise when Professor Mcgonagall cut across me and told him to go to the next class, and that I would be a while indeed. We shared an uneasy look but he nodded and with a final kiss (the professor narrowed her eyes at this) he left.

"May I inquire as to why i'm missing potions?"

The Professor gave me a stern look over her glasses "you may, we have a meeting in the headmasters office, come." I followed here my stomach tying itself in knots, did they know about our studies? What was this about? I shouldn't be in big trouble, i've never performed the dark arts before, so i've done nothing illegal by reading about them. Ill just say I was doing extra reading for defense against the dark arts, learning about the enemy.

"What awaits in the headmasters office professor?" I asked, keeping my voice cool and calm. She glanced back at me

"we will be there in a minute now Miss Sinclair, if you can be patient." I nodded, understanding I wasn't going to get anything out of her. I knew Professor Dumbledore was a very powerful wizard who could see through lies, I also knew he could do this by the magical arts of the mind, legilimency. Its counter was occlumency, I knew the theory of it, and had practiced when I was bored, by never before had I been tested, and with the headmasters skill I stood no chance. I needed to not look into his eyes. Avoid them at all costs.

We were at his door, having come up the stairs the gargoyle hid. My parents were sitting in front of the headmasters desk, two more chairs were available. I took the one closest to my parents and Professor McGonagall decided to stand instead of sit, her arms crossed, her eyes piercing. What were they going to tell my parents? Why were they looking at me so disapprovingly, did they know already?

I had never really met the headmaster before, and it was his eyebrows I focused on when he asked "Do you know why you are here today instead of studying with Professor Slughorn?" I shook my head, swallowing hard. He glanced at Professor McGonagall for a second and lowered his head trying to catch my eyes, I looked away, suddenly finding my shoes interesting. "You are not in any trouble if thats what you are worried about Miss Sinclair, instead this is a meeting that was agreed upon by your head of house and your parents, we are worried about your falling grades and relations within your own house. Do you have anything to say?" I looked at Professor McGonagall instead of Dumbledore.

"It is what it is sir" I was examining his office and the portraits of past heads.

"What sort of answer if that Marty" my father grumbled, I could feel his unhappiness radiating from him. Looking at him now I shrugged "My grades are falling in some classes because i'm not doing my homework" I shrugged again, it really wasn't that big of a deal, I didn't want a life that needed outstandings in those grades, I wanted to learn, and Regulus was going to help me with that.

"And why aren't you doing your homework?" my mother this time, her eyes peering into mine. I shrugged, feeling particularly cornered, "Its too easy and boring I suppose, I have better things to do. Why waste my time memorizing what I already know?" I looked at the headmaster this time.

"Miss Sinclair" Professor McGonagall began indignantly, "You are on the verge of failing, whatever career you want will be unattainable without your magic classes. Homework is essential to the end of the year exam."

My eyes turned to Professor McGonagall, they were cold and icy, filled with knowledge that one had to know to recognize, she didn't but Dumbledore did. He knew that look very well unfortunately, his heart sunk.

"I can pass any exam you throw at me professor, I am far more advanced than the simpleton stuff you are teaching, like I said its too easy and I am trying to learn new things and not waste precious time learning what I already know." My voice was sharp and cold.

"Marty" my mother chided, horrified "This is your head of house, you treat her with more respect."

I didn't respond. I was tired of being the perfect, obedient little girl that my parents thought I was. I was tired of taking their word as truth, I was tired of being told what to do. I was two years and some months away from graduation, away from being an adult, it was time for me to grow up and become who I really was.

"Is that why you know longer speak to any of your fellow housemates, I have not even seen you sit at your assigned table for months now! Is it because you are always learning?" Pink tinged Professor Mcgongalls cheeks, her lips were pursed in a thin line. She wasn't impressed. I felt a sort of freedom, saying what I want, angering all those around me, I was tired saying and thinking things that would make everyone happy!

"Yes, actually, the Slytherin house is far more receptive to my company than my own, some family they turned out to be." My father opened his mouth angrily, while grasping his wife's hand "So thats what this is about" disappointment and anger evident in his tone "That silly boyfriend of yours, that Black, I warned you about him Marty, and now look at you! I hardly recognize you! Talking back to your teachers, not doing your school work, this attitude of yours? It ends now." His voice was final, it was a voice that would've scared me straight, but now it just made me angry.

Professor Dumbledore sat back in his chair, his hands steeped in front of him, eyes peering at me over his half moon spectacles of his, if I had looked, I would have seen the twinkle missing from his eyes. "This has nothing to do with Regulus dad, and if you weren't so blind by prejudice you would see that" I snarled. Nobody insulted my boyfriend.

"Miss Sinclair" Dumbledore spoke suddenly and I looked at him, in the eyes this time, and regretted it almost instantly. I always imagined that Dumbledore would be a subtle legilimens, a presence that was nearly undetectable, but I felt him right away. His presence calming my raging emotions, my anger at my father, frustration with the world blatant ignorance. I let him look through my mind, in fact even guiding him, I had done nothing illegal. For some strange reason I wanted to see the look on his face when he saw what I knew, what I had accomplished. I needed to share it with someone, and he seemed like the perfect person to rub it in to, showing him exactly how much I had grown in the last few months.

He saw everything, the late night study sessions, my morbid fascination with the dark arts being performed (I was careful to not reveal anyone of my cohorts faces or voices). The file I kept in my head for the spells, the power and mechanics behind them. The books I had translated from the restricted section, access gained by leading requests from teachers that liked me. He saw the darkness that was growing in me, I felt it every day, and it was taking on a life of its own. The power that pulsed with, the opportunities that wizards could have if dark magic was readily available and practiced.

He pulled out of my head with a great sigh, the whole transaction of thoughts taking only milliseconds, it happened without anyone else in the room realizing it. "Is there anything you would like to tell me?" I could see the disappointment in his eyes, I saw his face become just a shade paler than it was. He was going to keep a closer eye on me I knew it, but I welcomed the challenge. Nothing was going to stop me from learning, not even Dumbledore.

"I believe you have what you need." My voice was soft, aloof, and cool, chin raised, nose upturned just in the slightest, sneer placed firmly in place. "Now if you will excuse me, I am rather bad at potions and think it is a shame that I am getting behind for nothing, can I leave?"

My parents looked appalled at my blatant disregard to the two professors, my mother was squeezing my fathers hand, my fathers head pulsed. The headmaster nodded sadly, "ill be here if you ever need to talk Miss Sinclair" and with that I took my pass and left.

It was foolish of me to show Dumbledore the truth, I understood that. But I enjoyed his reaction, one of his precious Gryffindors corrupted by the dark arts, so he thought. I had complete control over what I was doing, and his watch will serve only to make things more interesting, more edgy, more dangerous.

My head was spinning when I entered potions and got to work next to Regulus, he wasn't going to be pleased with me i'm sure.


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note: **_I understand how quickly its going, and how backwards some of the logic is... I think it was this chapter that made me realize how little this story is about Regulus and how much it is about this character and the slow transformations that happen, even though they may seem like they are happening quickly because of the nature of the story, hope you enjoy, please R&R for the longest of the chapters yet!_

Chapter 6

Dumbledore did as I predicted and he watched me very closely for the next year and a half. I could feel his eyes every time I sat for a meal at the Gryffindor table, and I often ran into him in empty corridors late at night. I was a sixth year now, and I didn't have to suffer much longer from his insufferable watch. I had brought it onto myself.

I was all but a Slytherin these days, completely cut off from my house, I only slept in the tower and ate with them at the first and last feast of the year (Professor McGonagall forced the seating arrangement then). Though my class grades were mediocre at best, I managed to get into all of my desired classes based off O.W.L. Results, which I passed with flying colours. I was studying to be a magical scholar like my mother was, so the classes I took were from a broad range of subjects. I spent all of my free time with Regulus, we studied together, ate together, did everything together. I spent late nights in the Slytherin common room with my new group of friends, and arrived only in the Gryffindor tower right before curfew and left early. There would be weeks where I wouldn't be spotted there because of my late nights with the Slytherins, I was always the last to bed and the first to rise.

Christmas was coming up and I was dreading it. Regulus was going home, as he always did and I was stuck spending it with my family and extended family, which included Potter and recently, Black, who had moved in with the Potters, completely disowned by the Blacks. My Uncle Henry rarely spoke to me, and last year, when Regulus stopped by (my parents polite request they hoped he would deny), there had almost been a duel between them. Which was rather silly, Uncle Henry was a full grown wizard, yet he picked fights with kids? Shows what a man he was.

I was sitting at the Slytherin table now, it was early in the morning and the only other person who occupied it was a 7th year named Severus. We were not what you could call friends but he had similar interests and similar objectives and therefore were quite civil to each other. He was very smart and a gifted wizard, even if he didn't realize it yet. The boy intrigued me, but not enough to make a concerted effort to get to know him very well. "Sinclair" he greeted, nodding at me. I nodded back "Good morning Severus" I replied amicably. We were silent, he was reading his book, I was staring at my cereal deep in thought. Or at least I was deep in thought until I was interrupted by a large owl dropping a letter on my plate. It was too early for post, normally that came when the greater school inhabitants were awake, and I was curious to see who could be writing me at this time of day. I picked up the envelope, it was thick and smelled faintly of Regulus. I turned it over, the Black family crest was pressed into the wax that sealed it. More people were entering the hall now and I eagerly opened the letter, curious to what it was. It as an invitation to the Black family Christmas party. How strange, I had never been invited to a Christmas party at Regulus's before, he always said they went to other parties. A hand slithered around my waste as a familiar smell assailed my nostrils. "Ah, I see you got our invitation." A smooth voice purred into my ear. "It is our turn to hold the Christmas Ball, my mother was so pleased." He sounded half asleep still so I poured him a cup of tea, he smiled his thanks. "You will come then?" He asked and I smiled into his boyish eyes, "Of course, nothing could keep me away." We settled into a quiet silence after that.

My parents were not going to be too happy when they found out about the party but it was either this option or repeat last years Uncle Henry incident. My father disliked Regulus more and more as we continued dating, and my mother just looked anxious whenever our names were brought up. Though I think she was reassured when my career choice was something similar to hers. They didn't understand what we had, me and Regulus. They didn't understand my new thoughts, so caught up with the lies and flawed justifications they told themselves to live out their lives. I had changed, I was thinking, and I had stopped lying to myself.

It wasn't easy, but a deal was brokered between myself and my parents. Professor McGonagall had a big test set for the day before term ended, for every question missed we had to write 6 inches about it. If I passed the test with less than 2 questions wrong then I was allowed to go to the Christmas party and if I got every question right, I was allowed to stay at Regulus's for the whole week until New Years. It was a stiff deal as it meant I actually needed to study, and study I did. When we graded it in class I was nervous, spending another Christmas with the Potters might have actually set me over the edge, and that was the last thing I needed. Things between myself and James was strained as it was. Much to my parents surprise and disappointment I passed with every question correct. Sometimes I wondered if they had any faith in my abilities at all.

The night of the Christmas party my mother helped get me ready, I think she enjoyed doing my hair and helping pick out my dress. It was the most we had spoken to each other in a long time, and it was certainly the most I have ever laughed with her, I was in very good spirits. Mostly because of the week spent with Regulus, but also because this was my first formal event that I have ever attended. My mothers jovial mood lasted until I was ready to leave, and as I went to retrieve the port key Regulus had sent over I could feel her following me quietly and anxiously. Her face fell as she said her goodbyes, my father hadn't even bothered to see me off, he was busy getting ready for Potters party. With a final hug goodbye I felt a curious tug at my naval, the next sensations I felt are best described as unpleasant, and luckily they lasted only moments.

I landed with less grace than I could have hoped for, but a pair of arms steadied me. "Not used to Port keys?" An older man asked me after making sure I was completely stable. He had a remarkable way of looking down his nose and speaking in a condescending voice. "I don't think thats a kind of magic one can ever be used to" I replied cooly, eyeing him with slight disdain, he sniffed and turned his head to greet another person.

I examined my surroundings to find that I was in a beautiful house, lavishly decorated with tasteful items in the height of fashion and curious knick knacks, whoever owned this house must have travelled widely. There was a rather large staircase to one end of the entrance hall and I assumed that was the way into the main rooms of the house, and standing at the bannister of said staircase was my boyfriend, playing the dutiful son as ever. I admired him for a second, amazed I could get such a guy.

He looked regal in his black dress robes, his hair was neatly parted and it shone beautifully in the light, his face was one of polite interest as his mother spoke to him, and if anyone else would have glanced his way they would not see how bored he truly was. I knew how much he hated these sort of situations and as his mother patted his shoulder while she spoke to another wizard, his eyes scanned the various witches and wizards that now populated the entrance hall I was standing in. A genuine smile graced his face when our eyes met, and he leaned over to talk to a beautiful woman who causally leaned against the banister, her eyes scanned the crowd and her face remained expressionless when she looked at me.

It was with a little push from the beautiful woman that Regulus left his post at the top of the stairs and weaved his way through the crowd to find me. I hadn't seen Bellatrix Black in years, and word had it that she just recently married Rudolphus Lestrange, arranged no doubt. "I was beginning to think you stood me up" Regulus teased as his arm found its way around my waist, "Come, my mother wants to introduce you to people," he grimaced his distaste when he said this. Looking at him now compared to the way he was alone with his mother was a completely different person. Now he was beaming and eager, what a drastic change from the bored and dutiful boy I saw before.

The night was both tedious and fun, most of the time I was either being dragged by Mrs. Black or Regulus around to meet different wizards and dignitaries. Many people seemed interested in our relationship, and I had many long and boring conversations to endure. Once the orchestra began playing many people stopped talking and began to dance. I was both pleased and anxious when this happened, not quite confident in my dance skills, but my boyfriend led me through the dances just fine, and it wasn't long before I too was dancing with some skill. I had many dance partners that night, including Mr. Black, and by the end of the night I was positively knackered. After a particularly long bout on the dance floor I took refuge by the punch bowl, cautiously sniffing my drink.

"You needn't do that, there is a charm on the bowl so only the host can add liquids into it" Came a cool voice from my side.

Bellatrix leaned against the table casually next to me, her eyes sharp and probing. "so you are my cousins girlfriend then, he speaks highly of you." Coming from most people that would've been a compliment, but she had a way of speaking that made it seem almost an accusation.

"Yes, I have heard good things about your Mrs. Lestrange." I hoped they had married, her eyes narrowed but she didn't respond with anything other than a sniff. She pushed herself off the table and looking me up and down, as one would do an item they were about to buy, after a few seconds of this she spoke.

"We met on the train, when you were a first year, yes?" I nodded, raising my chin a little higher. I was not going to be intimidated by her. "Your cousins are blood traitors, how do I know that you are not too?" I narrowed my eyes, where was she going with this? "I am not what you call a blood traitor."

She stood her full height now, looking down her nose at me, "What house did you eventually get sorted into?"

I cringed inwardly, I knew how my house looked to people who didn't know or understand me. "My house does not matter, what matters is who I am." She looked smug, as if I had confirmed a fact for her then, "And who are you then?" Did I even know who I was?

"I am the girlfriend of Regulus Black, and would you not think attaining that level of affection from the last noble son of the House of Black is worthy in itself?" Surprise flickered across her face but she seemed to relax her intimidating posture into one slightly more friendly.

Our conversation flowed, and every now and then I had to deflect probing questions, she was testing me I knew, but I liked to think I was faring quite well, that thinking became certainty when our conversation brought us to a more private corner of the party, where we wouldn't be interrupted. We began to talk about magic, more specifically magic that was deemed dark by the ministry. She cast a muffilato charm around us, to ward off any who would like to eavesdrop on us. I cant say that I was too surprised to learn that she was rather experienced with dark magic, and i'm sure she was pleased with the amount of interest and questions I asked her, mostly about the theory and the implementation.

Most spells learned at school were simple, and required only a word to activate them, but with more advanced magic, and especially that of the darker branch required much more than simple words and gestures, instead they require emotions and will. Magic was tied so closely to the body and brain, it was so ingrained that magnificent wizards could even control it without the use of a wand! The last person to be able to do that was said to be Merlin himself though, and I hoped that another wizard with that power would live in my lifetime, just so I could witness history. I knew she approved of me when she offered to do more than explain the methods behind dark magic, "To truly understand it" she said "You have to feel it, experience it." I knew what she was implying, and I knew what she was offering, and I could not help but feel a slight hesitation. I had learned dark magic in theory for so long, but I had never performed it, was I willing to cross that threshold, to choose a path that led to magic more dangerous, obscure, and unknown than I could have ever imagine?

Of course there was nothing dark about dark magic anyways, instead it was a standard that society put on the unknown, and as a scholar I needed to delve headfirst into the unknown and make it known, make it understandable to the common person, perhaps, one day, people could give up their foolish categories of magic, and think of it as one great thing, and not as good and evil. She was right, the best way to learn was to cast off my foolish fear and doubts and experience it, because the best knowledge was learned through experience.

We agreed to meet at the Blacks house next week where she would begin to show me some of the things she knew, it was during this conversation when I realized this grand manor was not Regulus's house, rather it was the Lestranges and was loaned to the Blacks to use for the party. She told me that Mrs. Black was a private person and didn't fancy the idea of having half the ministry in her house, so Bellatrix offered up her house. That was very nice of her I thought, and I wondered if I would ever do that for Uncle Henry... fat chance.

The party ended with me feeling heavy with exhaustion but bubbling with happiness. Never before had I enjoyed my holidays this much, and I suspect it had something to do with the man on my arm. He often told me he disliked the large family parties, and the general formalness of them, he found them very tedious and he would much rather be reading or talking with his friends, instead his mother paraded him around, telling all her friends all the things he did with a sense of desperate pride. Looking at him now I think this might have been the first party he enjoyed and the first where he did not mind his mother parading him around, because this time I was on his arm.

I had to admit to myself, the Black house was smaller than I imagined, but I think I liked it more because of that. It was more livable, it had a lived in feel to it, unlike the Lestrange Manor. Having said this, that it was still at least twice the size of my house. The house looked as if it was once a very cozy, albeit windy, house filled with human occupation but had since fallen into a house that looked as if the residents were on constant vacation. Clean, filled with belongings, ready to by occupied, but not quite occupied. Mrs. Black put me in a guest room and disappeared into hers, I didn't see her much of the holiday and that was perfectly fine by me. Most days I spent either in the Black library reading in a chair by the window overlooking a dour london neighbourhood, or having idle conversations with Regulus in the living room over a game of chess.

I thought I knew every about him, but there was so much I realized I never knew about his home life. The Black household was lonely, Mrs. Black locked herself in her room, coming down only to greet guests or to leave to a social event. Kreacher, the house elf, seemed like the only company Regulus had aside from his brother. He showed me the family line, and I saw many old family names, including some of my own distant relatives. I now understood how Regulus could be quiet and self entertained for so long, it was a trait that most pure bloods lacked because their money bought constant entertainment, but here he was left all to himself.

The house held a great deal of family heirlooms, but there was a conspicuous absence of pictures and keepsakes from the children's childhood. Where the Lestrange manor held curiosities from around the world, the Black house was a house that favoured the past and history, it seemed there was not a single thing that would cue the casual observer there was any particular sort of family, but rather the history of a family.

The only room that sang with a distinct human presence as Regulus's, and it was by far my favourite room. It was his personality encapsulated in a room. His family loyalty and pride was draped across all his walls with the Slytherin colours, his political views were taped up to the wall with prophet articles cut out about a group of wizards called the death eaters, and his personality quirks were hidden about, with the pewter charmed dragon I gave him for christmas and his favourite quidditch team flag posted on the wall behind lamp. There was a picture of me and him on his bedside table, we were kissing carelessly in the snow, I still don't know where he had that picture even taken. He had thick green curtains covering the single window in the room, casting a constant gloom across it, and it was because of this that we often slept late into the afternoon. That was my absolute favourite thing about his room, his sheets. They were silky and soft, always cool against ones skin, they felt fabulous. His bed was large and neither too soft or too hard, those seven mornings/ afternoons when I awoke (having never slept in the guest room despite having the intentions too) were the best in my life. There was nothing like waking up to the scent of Regulus, the feel of his soft chest pressed again your cheek, or the steady beat of his heart. Perhaps we slept in late not because of the gloom in his room but the feel of each other under the sheets and the distractions we caused for each other.

Bellatrix visited often, and because of the status of the Blacks in the ministry and the paranoia of Mrs. Black, we were fully shielded by the house, not even the trace would be able to detect underaged magic. These visits were some of my most anticipated moments during my stay, I learned magic I never thought I would, and I performed powerful spells on my first tries. Both Regulus and Bellatrix were surprised and that made the lessons even better. My understanding of the dark arts was certainly becoming more detailed, more in depth. I understood certain aspects of spells and the theory behind it by implementing the method, its full meaning beyond words coming to me. I felt exhilarated and intoxicated when I performed these spells, and I could not imagine why in the world these things were illegal. These lessons left me with an itch, an itch to learn more, understand more. The more knowledge I acquired the more I realized I had so much to learn still. More than magic was taught during these lessons, politics was debated, hotly, between myself and Bella. There was a dark wizard rising to power more and more the years past, and the wizarding world was on the verge of war. I agreed that the status quo was not a world worth living in, and that a change was definitely called for, but it seemed all his followers, the Death Eaters, were doing was killing people.

"There is war going on out there Marty" Bellatrix would say, "And to fight a war there has to be casualties. The people who the death eaters kill are people who are willing to give their lives for the status quo, sparing them will change nothing, being soft and trying to convince them that they are wrong will never work, because they are so dedicated to an idea that what is routine is good, that the status quo is the way to live, they have not moved beyond the limits of what is and into the realms of what could be. They are closed minded people, and the only way preserve change and to keep it is to stamp out all those who wish to stop you."

By killing people dedicated to the status quo, the very act of them being killed shows that they must be willing to die for what is wrong in the world. They are minds that can not be re-stretched to see the greater picture of what was wrong, and by killing them change will stay change, and the status quo will officially be defeated, of course. She had a very good point, I had to admit.

The blood purity issue is where we mainly differed, I liked to judge a person by their skill as a wizard, rather than their blood status, however I also believed that wizarding society needed to be broken down into classes as well, the highest of course being the older pureblooded wizarding families, the lowest being those who are just realizing their place in the world, like muggleborns. This was a point that we agreed to disagree severely, to the point where we didn't mention it anymore, she thinking it was an idea close to that of a 'blood traitor', the argument would have escalated if Regulus had not of stepped in to dispel the bad feelings. It was during these conversations about politics that Regulus sat on the side of the room, staring out a window, the only sign of him listening was the slight tilt of his head left, his good ear. I could also tell this was an action that often went unnoticed so I filed it away in my head rather than bring it up.

On the last day of my stay at the Black household Regulus surprised me with a copy of the Daily Prophet that was dated for Boxing Day, in the social section there was a picture of the Black Family above an article detailing the party and who attended. I don't remember when exactly the picture was taken, but there on the cover was Mrs and Mr Black standing in the middle, the Lestranges on the right, and Regulus to Mrs. Blacks left, a single hand resting on her sons shoulder, and there was me, my arm around Regulus's waist, his arm firmly around my shoulder. I was shocked when the article spent a few paragraphs talking about me and how I met my boyfriend, as well as a few other details about my life and schooling, they even had quotes of my friends talking about our relationship! I wasn't aware how much the Black family was actually in the public eye.

"Keep it." He said as he tucked the article into my bag "I already have the picture up on my wall." Indeed there on the wall was the articles picture, he must have posted it when I was not paying attention.

There was a small New Years eve dinner party held for the Black extended family before a big New Years Ball hosted by the Minister of Magic, Regulus somehow convinced his mother to let us leave early (or rather he didn't tell her he was leaving early) and we spent New Years together in bed, passing into the New Year on waves of bliss. Not caring about the consequence wrath of Mrs. Black.

He escorted me home on New Years, much to my fathers displeasure. He was even more displeased when my mother invited him to have lunch with us, it appeared as if most of the family had spent the night at the house instead of risking apparation under the influence, a sure way to splinch yourself.

It was a tense lunch, with the table consisting of my parents, the Potters, and Black, it was to be expected. But Regulus was never one to turn down the invitation if it meant spending more time together (and I suspect he was putting off the inevitable confrontation from his mother), and despite the glares, we spent most the lunch looking at each other, and playing with each others feet under the table,

I squeezed his knee whenever my father shot him a rather rude question which he would always answer back politely. My mother kept shooting anxious glances around the table, and tried to keep things light by talking about the article about the Christmas party in the prophet, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere that topic brought up. When lunch finally ended I led Regulus out to the entrance hall, my parents following behind at a distance, we shared a long good bye kiss followed by promises to write.

"My cousin wants you to keep in touch, she invited us to the manor too, she is really quite taken with you." He whispered into my ear during our hug.

"Tell your cousin I might take her up on that offer, we've still so much to catch up on" he nodded and with a final kiss he said for the first time "I love you"

I could hear the sharp intake of breath my parents took and with an indulgent smile I kissed him again, whispering "I love you so much Regulus Black, I do not know what I would do without you."

My father stormed out of the room, and my mother grabbed the wall for support. Neither of us noticed, so lost in each others eyes, it was then when his port key activated and with the brightest smile i've ever seen him wear he mouthed his final good bye.

I sighed happily as I turned to look at my family, my Uncle Henry was lurking in the living room, his face a deep shade of red, my mother looked faint, and my father and cousin were nowhere to be seen. I didn't care what they thought, they were insignificant to the greater picture, which was the fact that I was hopelessly in love with Regulus Black, the Last Noble Son of the Most Ancient House of Black.

It had been the best Christmas holiday in my life.


	7. Chapter 7 The Corruption Moste Complete

**Authors Note:**_ So im back at uni but im still trying to post, thank your for coming this far! One more chapter after this and ive reached the end of my outlined plan... im still thinking about continuing onto the next war, where I have four chapters outlined in my head... what do you think?_

Chapter 7 The Corruption Moste Complete.

If I was in any reasonable state of mind I would applaud my ability to apparate under great stress. My world was collapsing, slowly but surely. My throat constricted and tears fell unbidden down my face. My heart felt as if it was shattering into a thousand pieces, and bile rose in my throat. Coldness crept through my veins, and a physical pain ripped through the very essence of my being. I felt as if some great monster was eating me alive and tearing away my soul, piece by piece.

I wasn't thinking about where I was going per se, but somewhere in my head my mind was still functioning on a level because I found myself at my parents house. The cold of the night stung at my face, a harsh wind ripped across the street, whipping my hair across my face. I wasn't sure when I knocked but there was great commotion going on in the house. My hands were shaking and tears were dripping onto the snowy ground. I could feel the air around me sparking with electricity, my magic reacting to my distress, and the sight of my mother pushed me right over the edge. The weight of my circumstances sat on my shoulders, and the world felt like it was collapsing in from every side, compressing my very body and being. No longer was I able to hold myself up, and I collapsed straight into her surprised arms, my body a shaking mess of tears and sobs. I clung to her as if I too were about to die, about to drown in the sorrow that filled me. I was drowning in it, my lungs squeezed together and I saw bright lights from behind my eyes lids. I couldn't breath for my body was too busy sobbing, I was suffocating.

There was a commotion around me, if I had been in any state of mind I would have noticed the party that had being going on in my parents house, a very pregnant Lily Potter and a glowing James. Uncle Henry was yelling things at me, and my mother was yelling at him back.

I didn't care, I couldn't care. I couldn't even register them, so consumed with my emotions, the only thing that existed in my world were the arms encircling me, but not even the frantic questions asked to me by my mother broke through the darkness that swirled around me, closing in quickly for the kill. It wasn't until I saw his face the darkness abate, if only for a few fleeting moments.

The likeness between Sirius and his brother was always apparent, but never so much as it was now. They had the same hair, same bone structure and eyes. So alike they were and yet the aristocratic arrogance tainted none of Sirius's features. So different they inevitably were. He needed to know, he had a right to know, he was the last family that Regulus had. They were all each other had in the world. And now he was alone. My bony hands reached out to grasp the front of his robes, and I pulled him closer to me, it was very important for him to know. "Hes gone sirius. Regulus, he's de-" I couldnt bring myself to say it, it made it too much of a reality. I saw his face crumple in sorrow, I knew his world was crashing in on a smaller scale than mine. He had friends though, James was at his side in an instant, with warm comfort that only friends could give. Comfort I could never have.

Another wave of sorrow crashed upon me, and the darkness swallowed me once more. I was inconsolable, beyond reach. I was dying, my soul was being infected with poison, a hole was blown through the essence of being. Regulus had been my second half, and without him I was no longer human, not completely. Instead I was an amputee, forever in mourning for the other half, my missing part.

I wasnt aware of the potions being forced down my throat, and the sleep that they induced were wracked with nightmares, when I awoke my throat was raw with the screaming night terrors had brought on, and my mother lay uncomfortably in a chair by the bed, dark circles under her eyes, her hand loosly grasping mine. Memories of her whispering to me, murmuring words of comfort throughout the night resurfaced somewhere in my mind.

I was disconnected, disassociated with everything. Gone was the crash of emotions I had last night, I was a being completely rational. A being without emotions, no longer human. I was dead and yet unlucky enough to still need something so fickle as air to nourish my still beating heart. Numb. The world was seen in shades of grey. I realized how foolish it was for me to come here, to a place where I no longer belonged. A place where I was a stranger, and where one must be completely alive and aware of those strange things called feelings. I felt no love for the woman who stayed up all night with me, soothing my fears, wetting my brow, a woman who slept only out of the effects sheer exhaustion, both mental and physical, had on her body. I felt no kinship. I felt nothing for her. She was just another person. I had no emotion for anything, and therefore I could not mourn what I had become. I was a being in time, stuck without any means of deciphering what to do next.

So I did what was most rational. I left to a place where I knew I wouldnt need to think. A place where I could be given a purpose, a task in life. I returned to the dark lord, as his loyal servant, with a will that wanted no more than to follow his every order. I was the perfect unthinking, unfeeling servant.

It was then when all that had made me familiar to those who knew me died. This is when I truly became one of the most loyal followers of the Dark Lord Voldemort.


	8. Epilogue: A New Beginning?

**Epilogue**_ A new beginning?_

My world was one filled with screams of the tortured and damned.

The coldness that haunted them I no longer felt. It had been many years since the Dementors bothered me, the coldness they brought was the familiar, and it was only when the odd Auror walked by, the warmth of their patronus warming my bones did I notice their presence. They had sucked me clean, moving onto newer, more nourishing victims. The didn't even pause with me, no longer registering my presence.

I was dead.

Dead in all areas except that of medical. I still breathed, I still ate the crumbs given to me. But my soul, was gone, irrevocably damaged. There was nothing left of me, I was just a shell of nothing, a walking corpse.

Emotionless I stared out the small hole in the wall, the storm raged outside and the sea was an angry tempest. If I had been in any right mind the ocean in this form would have been enthralling to watch, and in the past I may have even enjoyed this sight. But now it meant nothing, it was simply something to do.

I didn't stir at the gleeful laugh of Bellatrix Lestrange, and neither did I stir at the sound of creaking by my door. I turned to gather the food that was thrown in when the sight I saw filled me with horror.

The Dementors must have learned new tricks, for standing in front of me was a Death Eater, and in his hand was my wand. I was hallucinating, I must've been, for that was the only way the fleeting feelings of... of... something... flickered across my numb being. They were playing on what I once thought of as dead hopes to suck the very last bits of morsels out of my soul.

The Death Eater, growing impatient with my wide eyed stare, roughly grabbed my hand, how fantastic! How realistic this hallucination was! The dementors had certainly upped their game, outdone themselves even! For this they were awarded my surprise, a taste they hadn't had in years from me. There was a dull ache in my chest, how cruel it was to force me through this. Just when I was sure they had left me alone for good, left me to rot in the soul less shell I was.

But it wasn't a hallucination was it? For this Death Eater was leading me with other prisoners outside, to a portkey. There was a commotion around us, as the Aurors realized there was something wronge. Adrenaline pulsed through my body, animating it in way I never thought possible. Feelings, my limbs and magic, coursed through me as long lost friends, and the exhilaration they provided were nearly orgasmic. And it was this feeling that pulsed through my veins when the port key ripped me away from my cell and those dark beings who had long thought me dead, unworthy of any kind of attention.

I had served 14 years of my 3 life sentences.

14 years, and finally, I was free.

**Authors Notes:** _well thats it for the first bit half of this story, ive got a few ideas, scenes in my head for what happens next. I think the next half is about Marty getting re aquainted with these strange things and emotions coursing through her. She is rather numb and dead, her life no longer with meaning, but she maybe begins to find something more. What do you guys think? Should I continue?_


	9. Authors Note

A/N

the continuation of this story is now up and running, its called the Depths of Insanity.

As I said with the a/n on that one, I cant guarentee quick uploads or long chapters, but it is what happens next, also note that it reads SS/OC but it is in no ways a romance...

enjoy


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